Podcast: Foster Children & Lying

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  • Length: 25 minutes

Course Overview

This podcast, voiced by Pink Pearl Parent's AI counterparts, is a great introduction into why foster children lie, explaining it as a trauma response rather than manipulation.

We discuss lying as self-protection, a way to meet needs, and sometimes as memory distortion.

We recommend the PACE approach (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy) over punishment, while emphasising documentation for foster parents' protection.

Also consider other courses in our library, such as 'Why Kids in Foster Care Might Lie & How to Help Them', for a more in-depth look.

Parents & Carers love us  

Informative, easy to understand and valuable to any foster carer.
James
Very interesting and loved the fact it was easy to listen to.
helen
This is a great reminder of how to support young people that are lying. It is a really difficult issue to deal with and often has implications and negative consequences for them.

Many members of the fostering family do not understand PACE and therefore do not handle it in a trauma informed way.
amanda
Very informative for a short course. This made me look at myself and how change can be made.
Julie
Great little podcast, shirt and too the point and with lots of info!
Claire
Interesting and informative. Explains the PACE approach clearly.
Julie

Certification Included

If you're a foster carer or other professional working with children, this certificate is a record of your Continuous Professional Development (CPD). 

CPD Minutes: 25
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How This Course Meets the UK's Minimum Standards for Fostering Services

What's in the course?

below are the sources we used to help us create this course

Recommended Reading and Resources

"Fight, flight, freeze, and fibbing: Lying as a trauma-based behaviour" by Noel Macnamara

Lying isn’t always about deception—it can be a survival mechanism. The article delves into the idea that, beyond the usual fight, flight, or freeze responses, there’s a fourth F: fibbing. For traumatised children, lying isn’t about mischief. It’s about fear. A shield against danger. A way to stay safe.

"5 Reasons Why Children with Complex Trauma Lie" by Stable Moments

Lying, for children with complex trauma, isn’t about deception—it’s about survival. A shield against punishment. A way to control an unpredictable world. Sometimes, reality itself is blurred. The article explores how trauma rewires truth, making lying less a choice and more a reflex, born from fear, not dishonesty.

"AST A Guide to Allegations" by Foster Talk

Allegations—every foster carer’s worst nightmare. The article unpacks why they happen, from trauma to misplaced hopes, and how even false claims can upend lives. It urges carers to document everything, know the system, and seek support. Because in fostering, even the best intentions can land you in murky waters.

"How to Respond When Our Children's Memories are Wrong" by Debbie Ausburn

Children’s memories can be astonishingly wrong—yet utterly real to them. The article explores why this happens, urging parents to respond with empathy, not correction. It’s not lying, just how the brain works. Instead of arguing facts, the key is understanding: in memory, truth is often stranger than fiction.

"What Drives False Memories in Psychopathology? A Case for Associative Activation" by Henry Otgaar et al.

Trauma reshapes memory, sometimes distorting it. The study explores how PTSD, depression, and past trauma make people more susceptible to false memories—especially emotional ones. Neutral facts? Less so. The implications are vast, from therapy to the courtroom, where memory isn’t just unreliable—it’s malleable, bending under the weight of experience.

"Maltreatment increases spontaneous false memories but decreases suggestion‐induced false memories in children" by Henry Otgaar et al.

Maltreated children: paradoxically, they conjure more false memories spontaneously yet resist suggestion-induced ones. This study reveals that trauma's shadow warps memory's fabric, making the mind both a trickster and a fortress. In the courtroom, such nuances can tilt the scales of justice.

"Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy: Building Trust in Our Relationships with Children" by Foster & Adoptive Care Coalition

Building trust with traumatized children requires a PACE approach: Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy. This method fosters safety and connection, essential for healing. Traditional parenting often falls short with these children; instead, embracing PACE offers a compassionate path to understanding and bonding. 

"PACE: A Trauma-Informed Approach to Supporting Children and Young People" by  Cardiff and Vale University Health Board

​Children's misbehaviours often mask deeper needs. The PACE approach—Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy—guides caregivers to connect and heal. By embracing these principles, we foster trust and understanding, transforming challenges into opportunities for deeper connection.
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